Mornings like today, I really wish I had help. This stupid sinus issue is taking its toll. Even after being on meds for weeks, I still can’t seem to shake it.
After limited sleep due to post nasal drip gagging, I still have to push myself thru my chores. I’ve got no one to fall back on, so it’s all up to me.
It’s daunting sometimes when I sit back and think about it big picture. It’s a lonely place, often scary when you start thinking about laying injured somewhere for hours before anyone ever really realizes you’re even missing.
It’s like today that when you carry a wad of hay less than 50 feet and your head starts pounding so badly, feeling like your entire face is throbbing and pulsing, that you realize just how weak you can be sometimes.
It also makes you realize how damn stubborn… ahem, determined as the alternative word chart says… you really are. Say what you will about the stupidity of it all, but in the end I gave 120% to make sure my animals are cared for. I didn’t slack, slouch or take short cuts.
Through injuries, sickness, crappy weather, good and bad, I’m out there. Sick or not, I still take the time for piggy pets and to sit with new animals to get them acclimated. I still do head counts and herd checks. I still feed hay, fill water tubs and lug massive pails of pig grain.
Why am I telling you all this? Two reasons.
1) When you sign on to become a farmer and care for livestock, you don’t get sick days. You don’t take days off because the weather sucks. You don’t get any pity for injuries from animals. They depend on you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
If you aren’t committed to working daily and dealing with these issues, having livestock isn’t for you. This isn’t an office job working 40 hours with sick day benefits and closures for snowfall.
2) Farmers give so much of themselves. More than most would for the livestock they care for. So they next time you see that grumpy local farmer or dairyman at the store, cut them a little slack. This is a hard damn life and sometimes we just have bad days emotionally.
Most farmers won’t tell you how it eats at your insides, makes you question your own sanity but the heart of it is, we can’t survive day to day in other way of life now. When we think about selling out and giving up, it causes an odd panic and depression inside. It feels like you thought about willingly giving up your insides for research.
Just my random thoughts from the morning as I sit sipping ginger tea and wondering what I’m doing. Wondering if it’s really all worth it when I could have just slept in.
The end result is that I’ll never give up, no matter how crappy it gets on days like this. As long as those animals are here, I’ll still slug my ass to the barn and do what needs to be done.